By Jason Goodwin
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Additional resources for Heal the Abuse - Recover Your Life
I wind up using more drugs/alcohol than I planned to. _____ 2. I slam, guzzle, or smoke to get high more quickly. _____ 3. I often use drugs/alcohol with the intention of getting wasted/drunk. _____ 4. I sometimes use drugs/alcohol when I’m alone. _____ 5. I have needed more alcohol or drugs to get drunk/high. _____ 6. I have hoarded drugs/alcohol or kept a private stash. _____ 7. I have concealed the amount or frequency of my drug/alcohol use from family or friends. _____ 8. I have lied about drinking or using to others.
On a subconscious level, many of us are trying to numb our pain and punish ourselves at the same time. What I have learned in my years as an addict, and later an addictions counselor, is that our true motives are; 1) to feel better, 2) to feel nothing at all, or 3) to injure or kill ourselves. When I discuss the death instinct with my clients, they invariably react with shock and denial. “I’m not trying to kill myself,” they claim. “I want to feel better. I like drinking/smoking/snorting. ” But it doesn’t feel good to wake up in a stranger’s bed because we blacked out and lost control of our sexual urges.
No, it is never okay to meet my sexual needs at another person’s expense. I need to give my sexual partners respect and always consider their feelings. 3. Having many shallow, sexual encounters makes me powerful. -No, having many shallow, sexual encounters makes me a sex addict. 4. Having many sexual partners means I am desirable. -No, having many sexual partners means that I don’t feel I deserve to get the love I need in a safe, healthy relationship. 5. I will use sex to make myself feel better.