Humor Satire

Abundantly Simple: Everywoman's Gratitude Journal by Helen Kafka, Laura Hellen

By Helen Kafka, Laura Hellen

A spoof of the famed Oprah-book uncomplicated Abundance and different self-help books concentrating on the modern lady.

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Sample text

I'm grateful that Paul Anka didn't write a sequel to "Having My Baby". AUGUST 27th Topeka, Kansas I'm grateful that the plate in my head didn't trigger the metal detector at the airport. I'm grateful that one of the armrests at the movie theater wasn't moist. I'm grateful that the guy who threw up on the bus had a liquid lunch. I'm grateful that, while driving, my lazy eye allows me to check my side-view mirror while reapplying lipstick with the rear-view. I'm grateful that I'm home most of the time so that I won't miss opportunity knocking.

I'm grateful that a martini glass can double as a denture soak. I'm grateful Cosmo taught me to always be prepared— I'm never without a corkscrew, a string bikini or Feena-Mint. DECEMBER llth Minneapolis-St. Paul, Minnesota I'm grateful that each time I pronounce "Cuomo" correctly, the producers let me drive the live-eye remote. I'm grateful for Sports Guy Steve's hot trifecta tip. I'm grateful that even during the winter months I can maintain my tan with the satellite dish. I'm grateful that, during rush hour, Chopper Dan can report on a three-car pile-up and an overturned tractor trailer and still get us our bagel order before the coffee is brewed.

I'm grateful my six-digit income allows me to be checked in to Cedars-Sinai for "exhaustion" whenever I feel a little over-tired. I'm grateful that since Charo sprained a hip, my agent says I'm a shoo-in for center square. JULY 16th Grand Rapids, Michigan I'm grateful that menstruation is a good excuse for (fill in the blank). I'm grateful that, in a pinch, edible underwear satisfies that emergency premenstrual sugar craving. I'm grateful that premenstrual water retention allows me to act as a flotation device.

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