I attended a short (mandatory) training session through my work this past week. I envisioned an hour of being talked at about how we needed to answer the phone kindly, never show emotion to co-workers, and basically how to be a robot in the office. I was pleasantly surprised by the informality of the session and the tips and strategies we talked about. First and foremost, the speaker said what most of us were thinking: dealing with clients is usually not that bad – it’s our coworkers that we have the worst time dealing with. We briefly touched on why that is, but we didn’t really get into it.
(I think it’s a tough nut to crack, personally. I mean, you are shoving together a bunch of people that have different personalities, strengths, and weaknesses, and expect them to row together like the Princeton crew. Unfortunately, this never happens. You have your odd team that works well together and can bounce off each other in a creative and productive way, but more often than not most people work together, teeth clenched and lips tightly drawn, just trying to make it until 5pm so you can all get the hell out of there and spend the rest of your time with people who don’t make you constantly roll your eyes.)
One of the more interesting parts of the session was about “personality types” described by cutesy characters with names like Eager Eddie and Negative Nancy. We went through each of eight types, described them, and then talked about how they hindered office productivity and then discussed strategies to deal with these types. This was all great, but every time she asked us to consider people we worked with that fell under these categories (“Do you work with a Negative Nancy? No names please!”), I was unable to think of a person that fit into these archetypes. Not that I work with the least difficult people in the world, but the problem was that these types were much too simplified to be used in an office setting, or any setting for that matter. I could pick negative aspects of each type in myself, but none that were universally, unquestionably me. There’s a Barracuda Barbara (or Bob) in all of us, I think. Which is sort of why these training sessions, while interesting and informative, are not helpful. Because not only is it hard to figure out which personality type your coworker is at any given moment, it’s hard to distinguish which one I am. How can I be more effective and personable in the office if I can’t figure out how to deal with myself?
The truth of the matter is that human beings are much too complex to be simplified by assuming that one poor trait overshadows all their other qualities. I found most of the “difficult personality types” in my own behavior, depending on my mood, current circumstances, or base personality. I may be more likely to act in certain ways than others, but I found it impossible to pick one type that could describe me in most instances. And I’m much too honest to consider that maybe I’m one of lucky ones – not difficult in any way! That would be a complete lie. I know that I have a strong personality which can turn people off in certain circumstances. I’ve been told as much. (Interestingly enough, at no point in the presentation did she ask us to assess ourselves in terms of these personality types.)
So what can we learn about dealing with difficult personalities? Well, nothing. I learned how to deal with hypothetical personality archetypes, which will come in handy when robots roam the earth, so there’s that. I think the most important thing to take away from all of it is to look at how to deal with people in general, not just the difficult ones (or those who are frequently difficult). Use compassion and patience, and try not to lose your cool under all circumstances. There are a lot of books and seminars out there about acting professionally but when you look around it’s easy to see that most of it isn’t really sinking in. We concentrate on how to bend people to our will instead of looking inward and seeing what’s wrong inside ourselves. It’s time to take a step back and instead of learning how to deal with difficult people, we should deal with our own shortcomings and watch as the good behavior spreads.
Tags: office life, people, robots
Those seminars always lump people together into groups (in this case, 8 of them I guess) but people are always more complicated than that. It reminds me of that scene from “Donnie Darko” where the life line is divided into two ends- Love and Fear. You can’t lump everything, people or emotions, into these two (or even 8 ) categories. People are much more complex than that. And people all have different personality types, depending on who they’re talking to. You’re always different with your co-workers than you are with your friends, husband, parents, whatever. I guess this only really deals with co-workers, but you might even act differently around them too. Maybe you’re “Burntout Betty” with the close ones and “Professional Pamela” with the boss, or maybe some people even see you as “Neurotic Nancy” some days. Depends on what else is going on in your life. I know everyone says you need to keep perosnal life and working life as two separte things, but this is impossible. The are both part of the same thing- life. And I don’t think there is a right and wrong way of dealing with these people, because you never know what’s going on in their lives, just like they (usually) have no idea what’s going on with yours.
Umm… side question here…. why did my “number eight” turn into a face with sunglasses???
Because it’s a smiley – look at it this way 8- )
Of course the trainer presented these basic types in generalities. It would be impossible to segregate every trait that each individual has in a one-day or one-week training class. Ideally, people who attend the session have the ability to take the general concepts and apply them to “real” people based on the characteristics discussed. Most of us can relate to the types discussed and most of us are a compilation of the types.