So many things have been ticking me off lately, I’m not sure if I’m just in a mood that makes me more susceptible to grouchiness or if things that would be grouch-triggers are simply more common these days. It seems like every day I’m fuming about something different. Of course, one of the things is mom, which is not really a surprise. I’m so anxious to get out of here, it’s unreal. I’m starting to wish that I had moved to Halifax for the last two months of being here. In 30 days I’ll be on my way there, but it’s just getting to my breaking point again. I’m just sick of the nitpicking. And the part where she says nasty things about me in front of other people. It’s like she has to hang out our dirty laundry to everyone in sight. One of these days I’m going to snap back at her in front of the company, but so far I’ve been the bigger person. I don’t think it’s fair to me or to the other person/people for her to randomly attack me in the middle of a conversation. And it’s such needless commentary. We were talking about people who don’t want their parents’ advice when rearing their own children. I said sometimes people don’t want your advice unless you ask for it – and mom pipes up with “Maybe you should take your own advice.” I tried to play it off and move on but she got all fixated on it like she always does. We spent 5 minutes longer on that than was necessary. I don’t think she should have said anything at all. I’ve learned to keep my mouth shut at times, but obviously she hasn’t yet.
So I’m dealing with it, I guess. If only she would be quiet every now and again. She acts like a complete child sometimes. I wonder if she ever really grew up. I mean, frig – I made brownies today and I set them on the counter to cool off and she went and poked her finger in it a bunch of times. What kind of 50 year old does that? I slapped her hand away because she was ruining my brownies and she slapped me back and started flailing and crap – just like a 6 year old. I wanted to shake her, I was so pissed. I don’t go sticking my finger in her muffins or bread, why should she do that to my stuff? And of course she had to go and make a comment about my “long hair all over the bathroom” (it’s really not that bad – probably two strands in the sink set her off), again in front of the company. I don’t get it, why does she have to go out of her way to make me feel lousy? It’s no small wonder that I can’t wait to get out of here, and I spend most of my time in front of the computer downstairs. Away from her!
Myriads of other things have been bugging me too. People who don’t want to hear others’ opinions, for one. Yes, I have opinions and I feel like they matter even though some people don’t agree. Whether they are about raising children or 9/11, I think that everyone is entitled to their opinion. Also those people at the craft shop where I dropped off my cards last Monday… I’m not too fond of them either. A whole week goes by and I don’t hear from them – turns out that they liked my cards but I need to repackage them in a different plastic baggie? Holly went and found out for me and that’s what the result was. So I’m thinking – screw that. I waited a friggin’ week to see if they would take them and obviously they didn’t like them enough to get in touch with me. All it takes is a 5 minute phone call. I’m only going to be around another month so I don’t want my cards in their very disorganized hands. I’ll sell them myself or use them.
Arg. I think I need to go blow off some steam on the treadmill or something. I thought maybe that writing it all down might help but so far it seems to only have made things worse. I’m half considering saying something to mom about badmouthing me in front of the whole world – but I wonder if it will just cause another fight. 30 more days…
Tags: Rantings
It may cause another fight, but at least this way you will have gotten it off your chest to somone who really needs to hear it. And maybe, you never know, she’ll be like, “Oh, I didn’t realize it was making you that mad. I’ll stop it then.” You never really know unless you do it. But I think something has to be said, otherwise you might find yourself 10 years from now having this conversation with her that could have easily been dismissed in 10 minutes.