The last year or so I haven’t really felt like part of anything. It seems like close friends are drifting away with increasing speed and I’m not sure if half the time it’s all in my head or not.

And suddenly, after talking to a friend about it, I realized what the problem is. Why I feel awkward hanging out with the girls when they are ogling at guys, and to discuss guy problems. It’s because I’m not in the same place anymore, now that I’m engaged. I feel bad talking about wedding stuff because most of the people I hang out with don’t have steady boyfriends and I feel guilty being happy. And I can’t discuss my wedding planning problems because then I just get admonished for being upset when I have something “so wonderful”.

Well, sure, it is wonderful, and I know I’m lucky to have found the person that I want to spend the rest of my life with, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t need friends anymore. And it just seems that people don’t really understand if they aren’t in that situation themselves. I don’t really know anyone my age down here that is getting engaged and that makes it difficult.

I guess this is really a problem that has no solution. This school year has been pretty lonely so far, and there’s just not much I can do about it, besides deal with it. I’ll be with Mike soon, and hopefully when I get into grad school I’ll meet friends who are dealing with the same experiences and I won’t feel so out of the loop anymore. Or maybe my friends will be getting married and then it’ll be different. In a few years, I know it’ll be those that are single that’ll feel weird around the married couples, but for now, I’m the alien.